I fight on a constant basis with getting myself, physically and mentally in line with my previous self. The crap that I am going through pisses me off cuz my brain knows where I was and what I am capable of but reality is I am not like that right now.

 

Back Story

On September 23rd my vehicle was a mobility kill due to a command wire IED. The explosion was directly under where I sit. The blast pushed me up out of my hatch where I was hit in the head with 2 MK19 Ammo Cans that cut loose from the side, each weigh approx 40lbs, and was pinned down in my seat. At first glance I was fine however later on that night I started to loose my balance and coordination. It got a shit ton worse over the next 1 - 2 weeks. I was diagnosed with TBI (Traumatic brain injury ) and sent to Germany then to the States for Rehab and Recovery.

 

Lately
I have turned into a nocturnal creature, I do not get tired until 0500 - 0600 and if I do pass out then I sleep/lay down for the entire day. I try meditation, just laying in bed, medication, shit I even broke a long streak and tried to drink some beer. I try Hot Milk and relaxation techniques. And FUCK it doesn’t work.

On top of all that I cannot go outside without sunglasses on day or night. Due to swelling that I have in both of my eyes. I continually have pain on and off in my neck (fractured C4/C5) and lower back and pain shooting though my hip and down my leg. I am not allowed to drive a car, I am escorted at work about 98% of the time. I walk around with ALL my paperwork every day because I might forget what I need.

It sucks because I am unable to do a lot of what I once did. I have even less patience with my kids once the euphoria wore off. It is funny that some little problems with you can cause you to think your life lacks direction and there is not a way to get it back. I fight that though on a daily basis, one thing I learned over my life is that you can change everything.

I am doing better with my memory, but it only seems to be in areas that hold some sort of interest for me. anything else is either gone or I recall vague high level overview. The headaches are triggered by random sights and sounds, I am also drawing a line between the sleep and stressful situations triggering headaches. I lay on the couch just about the entire time I am at home. I realized today that, From the outside looking in, I would put money on depression.

For the most part I am separated from my wife and kids, I will get in a mood or not feel good and they will give me space and go either upstairs, downstairs, or go outside. The next thing I know is they have been gone for a long while and the only time I spoke to them was to tell them to eat, clean up, or go to bed.

Something needs to break before I do, I start getting pent up aggression, and with past track records I am no the most subtle person sharing my feelings. That is why I decided to take the first step and start something here. I need to figure new ways to do shit till I get back to what I once was, If I can even do that.

8 U.S. troops die in Afghanistan, making October worst month - World AP - MiamiHerald.com: "The 5th Brigade of more than 3,800 soldiers has been patrolling in the Arghandab Valley and other areas of southern Afghanistan. The brigade's 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, is assigned to the Arghandab Valley, which has sustained the heaviest losses of any Stryker battalion from roadside bombs, bombs that detonate on foot patrols and small-arms fire in an area of open desert and dense foliage in irrigated farm fields."

It is almost 2am and I am sitting in a hospital room in California still waiting for a flight home. Yesterday our flight got canceled due to weather. I have been on a long trip home, I am glad I dont remember a lot of it but I do know it has been a while.
I have been sent home because I have TBI and a fractured neck. I get headaches all day and a bunch of memory loss. My short-term memory is sporadic at best. I dont know what is going to happen when I get home, I have to get a bunch of tests done to figure out what is going on with me. I was going to be flying home about 2 or 3 times already but they have been changed. I hope today is the day.

I am trying to get out of here and back on my FOB but the DR wont let me go so soon. I got to do more healing and get rid of my headaches. After the blast my neck muscles and soft tissue went crazy, I am getting that back in order threw a lot of stretches however I still have my neck to worry about.
It is long and slow going but I will get there.

Happy Birthday baby girl. I sent you a card and had some cake and Ice Cream on your birthday with SFC Dass and 1LT Boirum. We sang you happy Birthday. I hope you had fun and I hope you enjoy your Doll house.

Also thank Mema and Popie for the package they sent. And have Mom send me lolie pops (A HUGE BAG). I love you guys and hope I will see you soon.

Sorry my last phone call got cut off, I hope everything is going well and the kids are being good for you. I miss you guys and wish I could be there. I got your letters. We are in a black out and can not really call but I will try and work something out. Tell Kyle, Rebecca and Ryan I hope to see them soon and I love them. Tell Kyle and Rebecca to keep writing in there books. Call everyone and tell them I am fine and will try to get a hold of them. Tell Granny I love her and will try to call. Try to send me some Micro SD cards so I can send you back some pics. I love you.

I am still here, getting online is a task. We are waiting for our own personal Internet connection. If you are able please send notebooks, pens, Drink mix and baby wipes. It is not too bad here, I kinda like it, when no one is fighting.

Currently my Squad Leader and I are on a quest to find Satelite Internet so we can stay connected. It is slow going and at the last minute. I hope we can get something so we can all keep in touch. I am waiting for a few companies to get back to me with prices but we do not want to wait.

We just got back from St Pete. We had a great time. Kyle loved swimming and Rebecca had a blast playing in the sand. No one wanted to come back! Wish you were with us, it's just not the same without you. We are trying to keep busy and distracted. We love you!!!
Dawn

I am still on KAF and about to roll out very soon. It is hot but isn't too bad. You sure do sweat alot. I am on a slow ass computer, the wireless here is worse. I may be out of contact for a few weeks, but I will post something when I can.

Well if you do not know by now I am nolonger in the US. Currently I am in Kazakhstan, somewhere north of Afghanistan. It isn't too bad, great weather, kinda remindes me of Florida. We should be headed in to my new dwelling place very soon. I will post pics and keep people updated on how things are going. I got to go piss and my battery is dying so I am going to go.

a Pic of Kyle and Team 3D is on Wikipedia

Well it is almost time to leave. I am heading out tomorrow for NTC. 30 day of fun in the sun.

It is going to suck being away but it comes with the job.

I have been very busy and lacking on the blog posts. Well brief update on me... I am going to the E-5 board within the next couple of weeks. I am going back out to the field around the middle of Sept. We have NTC coming up. We are deploying sometime between Feb - Sept of next year.

Kyle starts school in a couple of days, 3rd grade. He is getting so big. I am trying to get him in shape to be the man of the house when I am gone so I am hard on him. He seems to handle it well.

Rebecca is going to be 3 in about a week. She is such a trip. She is becoming a daddy's girl. That is bitter-sweet It is nice to feel the love but I know it is all going to go away and I will have to start over when I get back. A year is such a long time especially when you are 3.

Dawn is doing good. She is still the one that keeps everything flowing in the house. She keeps everyone in line and gets shit done. I would not be here if I did not have her.

OK I am done and going to bed.

It has been a while... A long while.
We are all just waiting for block leave so we can go see everyone in Jersey and Florida. Should be in June or July.

I just finished Javelin training. I am waiting to be promoted to SPC, should be soon.

Nothing much has been going on other then that.